Thursday, October 6, 2016

When 8 Sneaks Up on Us

My dear sweet Jayci,
You are standing on the cusp of something I wish mostly that I could pull you straight back from. Alas, time marches on, and so I will settle instead for praying for you and with you, for cheering you on and occasionally shielding you a little when the need arises. As girlhood blossoms into the earliest blips of womanhood already, I have to admit I'm a little afraid. Proud of you, and oh-so-smitten, and afraid. The world is an unforgiving place for women, even today. Even after years of hard-won-right-to-vote, and with a women candidate for the presidency. Still, the world hollers for us to quiet down, to lose some weight, and know our place. To support our family and work hard, but not leave our kids at day-care for too long. The expectations heap, and I know it starts young. So I want, more than anything, for you to figure out who you are shaped to be outside of the weight of all those expectations. For the only thing you think about your body when you look in the mirror is wondering  how well you are using it to love the world around you. For the muscles in your heart and mind to be flexed every single day as you grow more and more unafraid (rather than more afraid like the rest of us) to show the world all of yourself: your flaws and your strengths, your compassion and gentle wisdom, your quick flame of temper and your careful acts of forgiveness and contrition. All of you, my sweet girl, is loved and worth loving, no matter what.


You are absolutely adorable, with your snaggle-tooth grin and shy stubborn insistence on performing songs and giving gifts for all-the-occasions. More nights than not, I have to confiscate your flashlight, because you are using it to read books under the covers while the street-lights blink off outside your window. You ask really good questions and sometimes know more answers than I give you credit for. You love your brothers fiercely, even though they have already mastered the art of eliciting an eye-roll (another trait you apparently inherited from me). Your beauty goes deeper than your skin, beneath your light freckles and gentle blue eyes to the inner-most parts of your heart, where you notice the forgotten and encourage in careful ways all the ones who are hurting.


One of my friends told me that she saw a picture from your birthday party (one we printed and gave to all your guests at your request) posted on the Spelman alumni Facebook page as an example of great love and beauty in the midst of racial tensions and hatred and fear. I am so proud of you for this, because you created that space with far more careful planning and cultivation than even your daddy and I did. You set aside your own crafts to make sure there was room for everyone at the table. You waited to greet newcomers, and made sure each person got equal time on the tire swing. Your kind and gentle spirit was a joy to witness, even as I tried to catch my breath because entertaining so many eight year olds is no-small-task, even for your daddy and me (who consider ourselves something of experts at entertaining many children).

But seriously sweetest girl, here’s the thing: if you can hold tight to that most beautiful piece of who you are, the deepest down truest part of you, I do not doubt for a second that you will be a woman who changes the world. But I also need you to know that when I say "you will change the world," I do not mean you need to be perfect, pretty, put together, successful, rich, or president. You don’t need to run a giant corporation or discover the cure for cancer (although if you want to do those things, please go right ahead). What I mean is that your heart will make the world around you a better place. Your compassion and gentle spirit, your kindness and wisdom, will always turn the needle towards justice and peace. And I believe wholeheartedly that you will keep ushering in the upside-down Kingdom just like we always prayed you would: by loving Jesus and loving your neighbors in tangible ways every day.


Being your momma is my greatest joy and honor, and I do not take the responsibility or pleasure lightly. I hope that even as your growing pains keep you up at night, even as you wrestle through your doubts and fears, even as you cry over hurt and loss and a broken world, that your heart will stay perfectly tuned to the song that the Savior is always singing over you, the song He has written just for you.
I love you always, even more with every passing day,
Mommy.

3 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday to your big girl. I honestly cant believe how grown up she is... time has just flown by.
    I love her little 'vampire teeth' just like daddy's :)
    Y'all are doing such an amazing job raising your kids to see people as people & not as skin color. It's going to be so valuable to who she is as an adult.
    Praying this is her best year ever!! :)

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  2. Well thanks for making me cry this morning, also when did Jayci get old! She is such a beautiful example of God's grace and beauty, there's a lot we could ALL learn from her.

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  3. I love this SO much! My oldest will be 8 in January, and after reading this, I know you so get my heart!

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