Today's guest here at the Stanley Clan is one of my most-favorite new blogs. Not that her blog is new, necessarily, but it's new-to-me. Discovering Lori, and connecting with her, has been such a treat, especially because I always feels such a connection with other mommas raising their babies in the hood. As it turns out, it's not that easy to find soul-sisters who completely understand what we do here. Lori is one of those soul-sisters for me: she gets it. So I am honored to share her (beautiful and thoughtful and wonderfully written) words with y'all today. Be sure to visit and follow her blog and facebook page. And make sure to leave a comment and make her feel welcome!
Steam from my mug swirls round my face and I breathe it in, again and again, my whole body wanting to remember how to sit at the feet of Jesus.
I slow the rhythm of my breathing and I close my eyes to remember a small table on Tate Street and the quiet rush of Spirit.
And in this space of hush, I listen for His familiar call,
In the middle of October, clouds stretch out across the sky like pulled cotton and I stand in the yard looking for a sliver of sunshine.
My youngest boy stands in the tire swing and then shimmies up into the tree and he grins at me, real proud like.
I grin too, as I move to stand in the small patch of sunlight between the trees and I soak it up, starved for light.
And there in the yard, in that sliver of sunlight, I stand still enough to feel a small flame lick within me and I kindle it,
By simply being still.
I should probably tell you that this is all new for me, this being still and listening.
I’m a plate spinner, a try-harder, do better kind of girl. I love to make stuff happen and I’ve been making stuff happen for more years that I can count.
That is, until I couldn’t keep making stuff happen.
Four years ago, I entered a season of life that I now call The Great Wrecking. I call it The Great Wrecking because I began to break down from the inside out.
I simply stopped being able to hold myself together. It was a quick spiral into exhaustion and a dip into depression and an invitation to let God have His way with me.
But I’m a fighter and so I pulled up my big girl panties and did what I thought God wanted me to do: I got myself together.
And then I broke into even more pieces, creating this cycle of wrecking.
I don’t like this dying to self business, so here we are, four years later and God is still wooing and I’m still clawing the ground, trying to hang onto me.
And the most beautiful thing of all is that I’m losing my grip on me and setting my eyes on Christ.
A few weeks ago, in response to God’s movement in my life, I entered a 31 day focus of simply being because I long for my soul to remember what it’s like to sit at the feet of Jesus.
I’m practicing the art of being still and quiet, both in body and in soul.
I’m listening without feeling the burden to produce an outward response.
I’m receiving without guilt.
And in my hushing, my listening, my just being, I am giving God space to mercifully wreck my pretty little, try-harder, do-good life,
One more time.
Now it’s your turn.
How do you make space to listen to God’s voice? Is He inviting you to your own personal wrecking?