Thursday, May 2, 2013

Throwback Thursday: When Life Gets Messy

Originally posted in January 2009. Side note, I would probably (certainly) never ever post something like this now. I have grown and evolved a whole lot in my understanding of the families and kiddos we work with, as well as in my own wisdom and discernment in deciding what to share and what to keep private. . .

When Life Gets Messy

Sunday was not a good day. Lets just say it ended with my crying and blubbering to Adam (who was holding a crying Jayci): "I'm sorry you have two babies." Don't you all just envy Adam right now?

It actually started off wonderfully. Adam made cinnamon rolls for breakfast, his parents came and picked Jayci up for the day, and I headed to Metro Kidz all by my lonesome. I was so excited to enjoy time with the kids where i could completely focus on them without worrying about Jayci the whole time. After church, our friends from Fellowship were going to bring lunch for the kids before we took 30 of them to a Hawks game. I was having fun, singing loudly, and cheering, and other such nonsense that I wouldn't ever do in front of anyone besides my kiddos. The only dark spot in my otherwise bright day was that Sabowas in a seriously foul mood.

He was pouting and hiding under his jacket and kept saying he didn't want to come to the Hawks game. Which I was disappointed about, but told him that of course he didn't have to go. Anyways, about half-way through the service (service isn't really the best word to describe Sunday mornings at Metro Kidz but that's another story for another post . . .) Ray Ray came up to me crying because Sabo had been messing with him.

I calmed Ray Ray down and returned to the fun. Later, Ray Ray came back up to me crying again because Sabo had hit him. I carried Ray Ray out, mentioning to Sabo on the way that I was very disappointed in his behavior that day. Of course, this made Sabo angry because how dare I only be mad at him for hitting Ray Ray when Ray Ray hit him first, never mind the fact that Ray Ray is half his age. I told Sabo that I had got Ray Ray in trouble too, and neither one would be coming to the Hawks game.

(As a side note, I didn't realize ahead of time how long this would be and how incapable I would be of leaving out any VERY! IMPORTANT! details . . . my apologies).

When I tried to talk to Sabo about it all later, he walked away mid-sentence (which was not a wise choice with a sleep-deprived new mommy who tends to be emotional on her best day). Anyhow, I let him walk away, asked Adam to talk to him, and proceeded to deal with the chaos surrounding the choosing of only 30 out of about 60 kids to attend the Hawks game (especially when the kids all insist loudly that SOMEONE CHOSE ME! IT WAS HIM! WITH THE RED HAIR! NO IT WAS HER OVER THERE!)

So once the mess was straightened out, I tried to call Sabo's grandmother to tell her what happened and that Sabo would be coming home rather than attending the Hawks game. I couldnt get a hold of her, which was apparently because Sabo had beat me to it. I discovered this when he came up and practically threw the phone at me informing me that his grandma wanted to talk to me.

And here's what she had to say: "Just bring Saviour, Sincere and Samaya home right now." I tried desperately to explain that Sincere and Samaya had been just delightful that day and that they were going to come to the game and I had tried to call her and couldn't get her and probably because Sabo had already called her and . . . clearly I am well-spoken and concise.

She replied "Just bring them all home. I'm sick of you."

Ouch. My delicate emotions supported by only about 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep could hardly stand it. We have done nothing but GIVE GIVE GIVE GIVE to Sabo and his family since the day we met them . . .

This is getting ridiculously long -- I apologize to my readers (all two of you) and will pause for a brief intermission because Jayci is FINALLY asleep and that means I should go ahead and close my eyes as well.

So, without further ado or any more rambling:

*Another side note: Can you just die at how adorable and tiny Zack and Sabo (and Jayci) are in these pictures?!

When Life Gets Messy (part 2)

As a prelude and warning to the second part of a very long story: I tried to make hot chocolate today and microwaved an empty cup. So if that brilliance is any sign of how well-written this will be . . . Well, I'm just saying, don't expect too much.
Anyways, I left you yesterday with Sabo's grandmother insisting that I bring him and his siblings home. Because I am mature and in control of my emotions, I stalked over to Adam and informed him in that tell-tale nearly crying voice (you know the one, your voice is wavering and it hurts to talk past the lump in your throat): "Sabo's grandmother is sick of us, so I'm going to go ahead and bring them home. Ok bye." Adam, always the voice of reason, reminded me that I probably shouldn't traipse about the worst parts of town by myself, so I dragged poor Jonathan along.

In the car, I attempted to talk to Sabo calmly, using my lump-in-the-throat voice which is more than slightly higher-pitched than normal (a fact which didn't escape Samaya's notice since she imitated everything I said and laughed hysterically afterwards). But I digress . . . . again, sorry for the obscene amount of detail and rambling in this tale.

I told Sabo that he hurt my feelings because I have always gone out of my way to take him to ball games and out for lunch and over to our house . . . Sabo was still upset with me and replied that he had just been "playing" the whole time and that Ray Ray shouldn't have hit him first . . . I was exasperated enough that I wanted to yell and lecture him a little (and I just might have - my emotions were that frayed - had Jonathan not been sitting next to me).

We arrived at their apartment, and I explained the WHOLE story to Carrie (thankfully for everyone involved, I did not go into as much detail as I am currently). Once she heard what really happened, she took my side over Sabo's (oh sweet vindication) and allowed Sincere and Samaya to come to the game with us. Jonathan and I loaded them up in the car and headed BACK to the Dream Center (where the 28 other kids were waiting). I called Adam to reassure him that I wasn't actually falling apart and that everything was ok.

Adam was pleased to inform me that there had been a mix-up and the Hawks tickets were not, in fact, for that afternoon. Rather, they were for next week Monday - we just forgot to check the date. Because Metro Kidz? It is a well-oiled machine.

Despite my frustration and embarrassment at returning the kids to Carrie with a big 'oops' after all the drama, I did remind Jonathan that we were lucky to be in the car with two kiddos rather than 28 kiddos. Particularly when they were told that they would NOT, in fact, be attending the Hawks game that afternoon (not to mention telling their parents who were eagerly anticipating 5 hours without kids . . . )

We stopped and got the kiddos and their grandma a milkshake from McDonald's on the way back (I felt they should get SOMETHING out of a chaotic day full of drama and empty promises) and because I am perhaps (as Jonathan mentioned) the "queen of all pushovers" I also got a milkshake for Sabo.

The milkshake, surprisingly, did not solve anything and Sabo muttered a sarcastic 'thank-you' and 'sorry' at his grandma's prompting before sulking back upstairs.

So, emotionally spent, Adam and I headed home to see our sweet baby girl. Who proceeded to cry for 5 hours straight (no exaggeration - seriously) before finally going to sleep at around midnight.

Needless to say, this is the point where all the crying and blubbering commenced (as described here). I was over it. Over being a mom, over being in inner-city ministry, over everything.

I wanted in that moment to simply curl up in my bed and come out in a few weeks when I was caught up on months of sleep-deprivation.

But the truth is that I AM a mom, I AM in this ministry, I AM who God made me to be and I need to remember that.

I prefer to wrap up my negative posts with a nice lesson, kind of like a big pretty bow. But I am still in the middle of this one. I don't know completely what the lesson is, or what God has planned. But I will trust that He does have a plan, and that He is good. That's the only way I can make it through this messy life.


  1. The boys look so little.
    This made me cry a little.

  2. Oh sister...
    If you only had time to read about my EXACT days. I get everything about this post it's freaking rediculous
    I'm not trying to over spiritualize any of this by saying pls don't grow weary while doing GOOD. What's bringing me and has brought me much freedom in wanting to be liked by my neighbors I give sooo much of myself to: is WHO I aM IN CHRIST.
    Even in my relationships with parents whom I would think m really close friends with to later find out we weren't that cool because you posses off about something crazy... I remember who Jesus has called me to be and I love with no expectations. Lord that's sooo hard!! Hang in there friend!! Wow! We need to meet soon!!


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