Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Happy Half-Birthday to Jayci!
Today you are 6 months old. I truly cannot believe it. Yesterday, I went to the hospital to birth you. Ok so it wasn't actually yesterday, obviously, but I feel like it was.
I wish I had the ability to put into words how I feel about you, how you have changed me, how much you've taught me, and how amazing the last 6 months have been. But words elude me right now. I am sitting down for the first time all day, and feel nothing but an exhausted gratitude: for who you are, for your sweet little smile and cute little cheeks. For your daddy's eyes and grin, and his fun-loving and outgoing personality. Because you are not even close to shy. You will go to and talk to anyone and everyone. And it is a delight. I love watching your grin spread and bring grins to the face of our kiddos downtown, of my friends, your grandparents, and especially your daddy and me.
You came out that way: a happy, smiling baby. And since that day 6 months ago, somehow, you have grown into this little person. Complete with a personality and an obvious sense of humor. And though I have loved you from the moment I saw you, my feelings have continued to grow in leaps and bounds since then. The moment you laid in my arms for the first time, and I whispered "I'm a mom." The first time you laughed out loud on my birthday. When you rolled over and grinned with delight at your accomplishment. And just tonight, when I was trying desperately to get you to sleep: I was exhausted (which may have something to do with your refusal to nap or sleep more than 3 hour stretches for 6 months straight . . .) and every time I lay you in your crib, your eyes popped open and you started to wail. After an hour of fighting you, calming you, laying you back down, listening to the cries, picking you back up . . . I finally sat in the rocking chair with you facing out on my lap and cried too. I prayed out loud for strength, for patience, for wisdom, and for Adam to get home pronto. As tears streamed down my face, you twisted around and craned your neck to see what was wrong. And grinned at me. And in that moment, I laughed through my tears, and gently rocked you back to sleep.
I want to remember who you are right now: the grinning, laughing baby who squeals loudly for a crowd, eager to be the center of attention. You are intensely curious about everything. This morning, you spent 30 minutes in your jumpy seat just studying the warning tag. You want to grab everything, study it, taste it, discover it. I love watching you learn, watching you grow, watching you change. But at the same time, I hate to see you change. It's going too fast. Sometimes, I wish I could freeze you right where you are.
But I can’t do that – so I will just do my best to remember you at 6 months. You love to eat rice cereal, oatmeal, sweet potatoes, squash, and carrots. You will tolerate green beans, but I can’t get you to open your mouth for peas. Not that I blame you, I gagged at least 10 times just from the smell of them while I was trying to feed you. You haven’t started fruits yet, because we don’t want your sweet tooth to kick in too early (and your sweet tooth is inevitable with daddy and me as your parents!) You roll from front to back and back to front, but only sit on your own for short bursts and with lots of wobbling. I keep trying to get Wyatt and Zoe to peer pressure you into sitting up, but apparently you are impervious to peer pressure. I can only hope you will stay that way into your teenage years.
I have so many prayers, so many hopes and dreams for you. But I have decided that above all else, I am praying that you will be secure in who you are. I want you to know your identity is in Christ, and that your strength, your beauty, your abilities and your everything are gifts from Him. I long for you to be rooted in the TRUTH that you are beautiful, sweet, loving and funny. That you are already an amazing little girl, and I cannot WAIT to see the person you will become!
Love, Mommy :-)
Posted by Rebecca Stanley at 12:30 PM