While we were in Michigan, my extended family discussed the lack of 'breeziness' which our entire family displays. For those of you who are uncertain, breezy can be defined as one who goes with the flow, someone who isn't easily ruffled or thrown off by changing circumstances. The comment was made (much to my chagrin) that I was definitely NOT breezy, while Adam was slightly "overly-breezy." The general consensus was that Jayci seemed like she was breezy. Of course, this was because she was deceptively cheerful, calm, and easygoing throughout the trip.
I had been so proud of myself (and this is where I should have heard warning bells), because she was sleeping 8-9 hours a night, taking her pacifier and putting herself to sleep both for naps and at night, and basically not crying at all. This has all changed since we got home. She has fussed every time we put her down, and not slept more than 4 hours at a time during the night. Last night (and this was clearly a bad sign) I had to nurse her to sleep (bad! so so bad!) after an hour of non-stop crying.
It all came to a head today, however, when she cried for at least 4 hours without stopping. Every time I even tried to put her in her crib, she got so upset that she cried actual tears (which has never happened before) and wouldn't be consoled, even with much rocking and pacing and bouncing. Finally, I again nursed her to sleep and then tricked her into taking the pacifier so I could get a good solid 2 hours of sleep.
Days like today make me panicked (and illustrate my very NOT breezy personality) because I am certain, absolutely certain, that she will NEVER EVER go back to sleeping through the night or napping in her crib. When she's 10 years old, I will still have to rock her to sleep, just like the creepy mom in "Love You Forever." At 5, she will be waking up every 2 hours in the night demanding to be fed.
Luckily, I have a husband who IS breezy and some good friends who reminded me of some important truths:
1- Jayci is first and foremost a child of God, and THEN a child of Adam and Becca. So why are we trying so hard to raise her on our own strength rather than leaning on Him? Clearly, that doesn't work very well.
2-"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34