Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Way too Fast
Not too long ago, I wrote about not wishing away my life, and how I seem to have a bad habit of constantly looking forward to what's ahead, anticipating the next phase in my life rather than fully enjoying the one I'm in.
All of a sudden, however, I find myself aching with the realization of how fast Jayci is growing up. I swear I blinked and she went from a newborn to a baby. She's holding up her head (with only minimal wobbling), smiling, babbling, cooing, imitating noises and expressions . . . Just this past week or so, she shot from barely filling out her newborn clothes to bursting at the seams in her 0-3 month old outfits. Out of nowhere, she stiffens her legs in an effort to stand ALL the time. Once up, she wobbles madly and grins widely at her accomplishment.
As we were visiting our family in Michigan, Adam and I were enjoying changing Jayci into her jammies, getting her ready for bed, and basically acting like idiots in an attempt to get her to smile and babble. Because my aunt, who is an extremely knowledgeable and intelligent physical therapist, informed us that she should be getting 45 minutes of tummy-time every day (45 minutes! Every day! She's lucky to make it five minutes on her tummy before panicking and grunting/farting from the strain of lifting her head, and then wailing loudly) Despite the lack of love for tummy time, we dutifully flipped her cute little self onto her tummy, only to watch her flip herself right back over and then grin up at us with satisfaction and pride.
I mean seriously, it's too much, too soon! How did she grow up so fast? And how in the world do I find that all-important balance between looking ahead and longing for the past? I don't want to miss one minute of the journey of motherhood, and I don't want to fly through any stage without stopping to savor the truths that God wants to teach me through them.
Watching Jayci learn new things and delight in people, in discovery, and in life is teaching me to do the same. To grin at those who catch my eye. To stand on my own, no matter how much I might wobble. To work and work at those tasks I long to accomplish - knowing that despite the pain and anguish, and all the straining, it's totally worth it in that moment - the one when I flip the corner and grin at the world, knowing that I've overcome even the most insurmountable of tasks.
So my prayer (and my resolution) for the new year is that I would find that balance, that I would live fully in the present. That I will enjoy being a mother and a wife, and serving the kids downtown, not looking too anxiously ahead or dwelling too deeply on the past. That I will control my thoughts and focus them above, being sure not to miss one minute of what God has planned for me in 2009.
Posted by Rebecca Stanley at 12:07 AM